THE COPYWRITERS' CHEAT SHEET

Web Writers Cheat Sheet:

10 Common Spelling, Punctuation and

Grammar Gaffes & Fixes

Man, I’m sticking my neck out here. I’ll proof this when I’m done but I’ll bet you I don’t catch all the mistakes. But I will catch the big ones – the ones that stick out and make you look like a total noob in copy writing.

I see bad copy everyday – misspellings, typos, articles that just end because the site owner is just filling space to use as bait for his or her affiliate program. So, for all of you starting copy writers, here’s a simple cheat sheet to make your writing LOOK smarter, even if what you say is total hogwash.

1. Its or It’s?

Its, without the apostrophe means “belong to it.” It’s, with the apostrophe, is the contraction for “it is.”

2. There, they’re, their?

There is “that place” – there.

They’re is a contraction of “they are.”

Their means “belonging to them” – their house, for example.

3. Consistency of person.

Wrong: The customer must provide their PIN. “The customer” is singular.” “their” is plural.

Right: The customer must provide his or her PIN. Or, Customers [plural] must provide their [plural] PINs. [plural]

4. Parallel sentence construction.

When you’re listing a string of activities, for example, each activity should be written using the same sentence (or clause) structure.

Wrong: Employees asked for improved benefits, negotiating for raises, presenting contract awards and a shorter contract.

Right: Employees asked for improved benefits, the right to negotiate raises, the right to award contracts and shorter contracts.

5. You’re or Your?

You’re is the contraction for “you are.”

Your means “belonging to you.”

6. Punctuation INSIDE Quotes.

Look at the two sentences above in tip #5. Both sentences end with a word in quotes. Notice that the period is also inside the quotes. This is correct punctuation.

Wrong: Do you have the “the secret”?

Right: Do you have “the secret?”

7. Ending sentences in prepositions.

Wrong: Accounting is something I know little about.

Right: Accounting is something about which I know little.

Wrong: Who was he seen with?

Right: With whom was he seen?

Check a dictionary. If the word is a preposition, it doesn’t belong at the end of a sentence.

8. Typos

You can’t rely on your word processor’s spell checker alone. I got an email from a client asking if I could “pimp out” 20 articles in a month. Of course, he meant “pump out” but pimp is a word so the spell checker accepted it even though it was wrong. And finny. [Did “finny” on purpose, ya know, or sic.]

9. Style Manuals

Is “website” spelled website or web site – one word or two words?

Is keyword spelled key word or keyword?

There are so many new words and terms that are now in common usage and frankly, style editors and "word heads" have a hard time staying current.

I use several guides, all available at any book store, on-line or off: The Chicago Manual of Style, The New York Times Style Manual and Strunck and White’s Elements of Style.

Use one and then go for consistency.

10. Now, break the rules.

The W3 has changed writing for ever.

Short messaging services (SMSs) like Twitter, with its 140-character limit, leads “2 writng 4 ppl w/2 mch tme on hnds.”

We were always taught not to begin sentences with the words ‘and” or “but.” But you see it used in web site text all the time. And it works!

So, once you know the rules, feel free to break them if it makes your writing flow more smoothly and keeps the reader reading.

That’s your objective as a web writer. Keep that site visitor on site through scintillating text, impeccable grammar, no typos and at least an inkling of how to punctuate a sentence.

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with break the rules IF you’re doing it for effect. Thus, the use of the word ain't and nothin’.

If you want to make an impression, write smartly [adverb describing the verb “write”]. (Check out THAT punctuation! It can get confusing)

But get it right first. Then break the rules to make it interesting.

Amp up your writing with a clever turn of a phrase – hey, like amp up. That’s good.

Okay, now how many mistakes can you find in this post?

Let's talk. I'll do the writing.

Webwordslinger.com

HEY, NEW BLOGGERS, YOU WANT THESE APPS

Webwordslinger:

keepin' it fresh.

7 Must-Have Apps for New Bloggers

Welcome to the blog band. We’ve been waiting for you. And you. And you. Every day, thousands of new bloggers launch using third-party blogging platforms like WordPress or blogspot, or free-standing blogger clients like Flock and Bleezer.

So, you have some competition. Here are seven must-have apps that’ll get you some readers and start the creation of a blog-based community. Your own.

1. Ping.fm
If you don’t already use it, you will.

Ping.fm enables you to write an SM (short message – 140 characters) once and post to dozens of sites – Facebook, LinkedIn, BrightKite, Plurk and other social media.

You can also notify subscribers by e-mail and Ping.fm is totally mobi so you can ping your followers through their cells or PDAs.

Post once and you tag hundreds of readers when you post.

2. Zimbio.com
First, Zimbio is a pretty cool on-line magazine, focusing mostly on tabloid-type gossip. That’s part one.

The site also enables you to create your OWN magazine. Zimbio scours your blog for new content, offers suggestions for keyword-based categories and posts with a click. You can keep the content up for as long as you want, delete it – it’s your on-line magazine and the tabloid content ropes in visitors. Also great for building a presence on SERPs.

3. technorati
No brainer. technorati is a search engine for blogs so you want your blog in the mix. Open an account and get indexed on technorati.

4. Seesmic
Seesmic is a Twitter client that’s much more user friendly than Tweetdeck.

Track all your social media from this one interface. Add your Facebook column. Your RTs. Direct messages. Add and delete columns at will. If you’re starting a blog, use Ping.fm (see #1) to post to Twitter (and other social sites).

5. Ning.com
Ning is a kinda cool tool but read the TOS carefully.

With Ning, you build your own social network – everything from your office staff to the bowling team to people who raise iguanas (what’s wrong with lizard lovers, any way).

Build a social network of people who are connected to the topicality of the blog. Knitting blog? Knitting social site to swap stitches.

6. Feedburner
Feedburner is owned by Google so you know it’s organically search engine friendly.

Feedburner optimizes your blog for pick up by RSS feeds, pings and flaring sites. You can design some cool scrolling banners and even monetize the blog with Google AdWords. Hey, it’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Be sure to burn a new feed each time you post to let ping servers and RSS aggregators that there’s something new on your blog.

7. Feedping.com
Get the word out about your blog on a global scale. Feedping automates the process.

A ping is, in essence, a push for your blog. Feedping submits your blog to dozens of ping services and RSS feeds including Yahoo and AOL. Simply enter the name of your blog, its address, click on the Check All box.

Scroll to the bottom of the page, Click agree to terms of service and click the Ping button. Then watch your computer screen.

You’ll see a growing list of ping servers and RSS aggregators that connected to your blog and sent your address on to other interested readers. Now, you’ll see a lot of “Connection Failed” notices. Could be anything – different protocol, the server is down, the server hasn’t been used in 10 years – you just don’t know.

But you’ll also see a lot of “Done” notifications which means you and your blog address got through. You’ll start seeing visitors from countries you never heard of via Feedping. Use it each time you post.

These tools will save time and get you some notice in seconds. It’s up to you, new blogger, to keep your blog fresh and to build your readership.

And that’s another whole matter altogether.

Talk soon,

Webwordslinger.com

STOP THE INSANITY: BAN GLAZIER-KENNEDY SALES LETTERS

Somebody, Please Pass A Law

Banning Long-Form Sales Letters

Dan Kennedy made a pile of dough teaching other people how to write the most convincing, irresistible sales letter since God handed those tablets to Moses. The result?

The long form, Glazer-Kennedy sales letter and if I see one more of them I’m going to barf. I won’t write them and I write for food!

Who Else Wants to Make A Million Dollars

Before Bedtime?

Sound familiar? Straight out of the Dan Kennedy book “How to Insult the Intelligence of a Chimpanzee” (fake but fitting title). This is followed by reams and reams of hype. Text in 20 point type, italicized “testimonials” from Debra C., Alabama (yeah, try to track down Debra to verify that testimonial. Good luck.)

Then, after scrolling through page after page after page of how easy this business idea/relaxation technique/stock picking “system” is to use (“even a child can use it”), there’s approximately 12.5 different calls to action.

These calls to action start in the main body of text and continue after the signature with a PS Limited time bonus; a PPS an even more limited time bonus; and a PPS that describes an “if you order right now…” bonus. STOP THE INSANITY. We get it. It’s a deal we can’t pass up.

These so called sales letters are insulting, difficult to read (nausea sets in by page two), and they’re as stale as last year’s Christmas fruit cake.

Please, please, please, somebody pass a law banning this tripe.

Best,

webwordslinger

PS Why can’t you organize your thoughts to avoid a PS?

PPS Do you think this creates urgency?

PPS Okay, now you’re just being annoying.

Let's talk.

Webwordslinger.com

GIVE IT AWAY OR MAKE 'EM PAY?

Subscribers:

Pay a Fee

or Get It Free?

A lot of new website owners add subscriber revenues to their calculations when figuring their break-even date and potential for profit. Not a good idea. Subscriber sites are fast disappearing from the webscape and for good reason. Why pay when you can get it for free?

As a site owner with expertise for which others would pay to read, it’s hard not to think about subscription revenue but the plain fact is, online subscriptions have never really taken off the way we all thought they would. The New York Times went the subscription route with its Times Select but it wasn’t generating enough revenue to justify itself, so the critical features of the NYTs are now available free online.

Even Rupert Murdoch, the much-maligned media mogul, who just bought control of the Wall Street Journal is planning to give away fresh content on the WSJ website. Every day. And that’s one mogul who knows how to make money through advertising!

What happened?

Does anyone remember 2002? Seems so long ago. 2002 is antediluvian in web years. That was a long time ago. But back then, the web had grown substantially with the advent of the search engine in 1994 (along with numerous, subsequent refinements to search engine technology), and media outlets, big and small, saw dollar signs – a whole new revenue stream.

However, in 2002, in the wake of the dot.bomb debacle, online ad revenues took a major nose dive that digital marketers are still trying to overcome. The online subscription revenue model never really took off and, today, even the big players are leaving the field.

The reasons are pretty obvious. First, the web provides so much content from so many varied sources, you don’t have to pay a subscription for the latest in gold futures. Some site is giving it away. Second, add to this the development of RSS technology – the ability of individual web users to gather news and other content of interest with 100% customization, and it becomes pretty obvious why subscriber sites aren’t doing so well.

There are other reasons people give for staying clear of subscriber sites. They’ve been scammed before by another e-book download with nothing to say. They don’t want to give you their credit card number. You use a high-pressure sales approach making untested claims, predictions and guarantees. They figure you’ll sell their contact information and they’ll be bombarded with spam. An online subscription is a tough sell, so what’s the small, self-published guru to do about that $49-a-year online newsletter that subscribers delete without opening after a week or two?

What to do?

Change your revenue model. Change your website. Change your bottom line for the better.

It starts by changing your view of site content. Owners of subscriber-based websites depend on readers’ “need to know” – whether it’s a professional financial advisory, a “top secret” stock report, or the latest news on what’s happening in China’s shoe industry – somebody needs that information. And, if this information proves useful, subscribers will stick with you.

Useful information is information that works to the benefit of the reader. It could be a self-help website with a monthly affirmation newsletter, or a pet owner site that sends you weekly tips to keep your kitty happy and healthy. If the content is actually useful a subscriber site might survive – until some other visionary comes along and starts giving away the information you’re selling.

Change your view of content. Don’t think of content as something to be sold. Give it away. Use it to entice readers to visit your site often. Daily, perhaps. Now, no doubt, there are a lot of entrepreneurs shaking their heads as they read this. These are people who have spent years learning their industry, a new system to win at poker or how to use hedge funds to fast-track your retirement years. They have knowledge.

However, others have that knowledge, too. And if web users can find that information free, they sure enough aren’t going to pay you for the same thing. So, instead of thinking of content as something to sell, think of it as bait to attract regular readers and improve links popularity.

So how do I make money with this new revenue model of which you speak?

Indeed, web-based ad revenues did decrease for a short time in ’02. But since then, there’s been a marked increase in revenue growth, closing in on $2 billion in ’07 and projected to exceed $11 billion in just five years. The web has become one of the most potent marketing tools available to advertisers.

You can pick up some of that ad revenue using the content you once sold to draw in the traffic and keep your PR high, with ad revenues to match. You can also develop affiliate partnerships with companies that want to reach your target market.

Here’s how the numbers break out. In the summer of ’06, survey respondents were asked if they would rather receive free content with advertising or paid content with no advertising. More than 70% of those surveyed opted for free with advertising. And that’s why you see ads for Coke before a music video download on AOL. AOL is giving away the content and making its money on that 15 second Coke ad. Even so, 78% of Millenials (ages 13 – 24) found web ads more intrusive. Clearly, they want the content free – free of cost and free of advertising.

e-Marketer analyst, Lisa Phillips, recently stated, “Advertisers pay up to three times more to reach print readers than online users. They’re not convinced online readers browse a news web site the way they believe print readers still browse through an entire section of a newspaper.”

Excellent point and one that clearly demonstrates why print media is so heavy on advertising and light on content. All you have to do is check today’s newspaper if you want proof.

Time for a change

If you have a successful, subscriber site – congratulations. You must have something very interesting or useful to say to your subscribers. However, if you’ve seen your subscriber list dwindle and re-ups shrink, it’s time to change your business model and use that subscriber content as the lure.

Use the online ad revenues as your reward.

Clueless? Call me.

Webwordslinger.com

WHY MAKE IT HARDER FOR SITE VISITORS TO PERFORM THE MDA?

7 Stumbling Blocks on the Path to Converting

You worked hard to get that visitor to your home page or landing page. Maybe you even spent money using a PPC program like Google’s AdWords. The W3 is a dynamic, active and GROWING marketplace with 6,000 new sites hitting the bandwidth everyday.

You read the books, and maybe even hired an SEO who sold you a bunch of smoke and mirrors. You built your site to entice visitors to perform the most desired action – the MDA. Buy something. Sign up for your newsletter. Provide an email in exchange for a free ebook. Your site, and your business objective, is to encourage visitors to perform the MDA. Simple.

So why the heck do you make it so hard for these hard-won visitors to perform that MDA? The easier it is to perform the MDA, the more times it’ll be performed. Obvious.

Yet, you’ve littered the path to the MDA with stumbling blocks that, in fact, defeat the purpose behind building a web site in the first place. So, how many of these stumbling blocks are in the way of your site guests?

1. You place an opt-in box on the home page.

Some site owners don’t even bother telling visitors what they’re opting in for. Look, site owners, no one is going to give you an e-mail address knowing you’re going to back sell them to the grave with spam in the in-box daily.

To me, an opt-in on the home page is a HUGE stumbling block. Let the visitor enjoy the on-site experience. Give it away. And, if it’s good enough, and the visitors get the value, they’ll opt-in deeper in the site.

If you’re good, you’ll give it away. Use the opt-in to encourage additional quality information.

2. Fly-outs, drop-downs and pop-ups

I hate these intrusions. Everyone I know hates these intrusions. You hate these intrusions, yet you use them on your site to sell the day’s “special,” or to “get” the visitor to perform the MDA.

These sell tools are distracting, for one thing. Second, they usually block the text I was reading. And third, I’ve seen them so much that I know it’s a sell – right in the middle of a great post I’m reading.

Keep the visitor focused. Know when to stop selling.

3. Unwieldy navigation.

I see a LOT of sick sites in my business. One of the most common symptoms is confusing or ambiguous navigation.

I’ve seen sites on which the navigation moves around, from a navigation bar, to a column menu to links at the bottom of the page – and EACH zone of the site is different. Look, it’s hard enough to keep a visitor’s attention without turning your site into a puzzle.

Navigation should:

• Always appear in the same place on every site page

• Use unambiguous labels for tabs and links to internal pages

• Be painfully obvious. You don’t know if the person visiting your site is the CTO of a Fortune 500 company or a buying agent for a 25-person commercial brick-and mortar. So avoid slang, insider jargon, acronyms and other labels that only SOME site visitors “get.” Assume the visitor has no knowledge. If they do, they’ll click on the simply-labeled tab without feeling insulted.

• Make content easily accessible. The visitor doesn’t want to hunt for the one article or the one product or service you offer. Count clicks. How many clicks does it take for a visitor to perform the MDA? The fewer the number of clicks, the more times the MDA will be performed.

• Save the opt-in for last. After visitors see how helpful your blog or web site is, they’re more likely to sign up for more.

4. Your site text is all about you.

Who cares about you? Not the visitor, that’s for sure. A visitor is looking for something – one thing: What’s in it for me? Think about your own surfing behavior. You visit a site. Do you think about the site owner? Putting his kids through college? Of course not. You’re there to accomplish something. Hopefully, that’s the MDA. However…

5. …the site visitors’ objections run counter to your own.

You want the site visitor to perform the MDA. Let’s say, buy something for the sake of discussion.

Well, the site visitor may not be in a buying mood. Just killing time. Or, the visitor may be comparison shopping – one of the most popular on-line activities. I can find the best deal on a 48” flat-screen TV in five minutes. Then I can run to the big box store to buy it. So, I use your site for price comparisons, but make the purchase locally.

You want to capture an e-mail address. The visitor doesn’t WANT to give you an email address. Often the visitors’ objectives are quite different from your objectives.

Design your site to meet the objectives of the visitor. For example, if you sell products, use ASPs pulled from your d-base to direct repeat buyers to their favorite products with a single click.

Add a single-click checkout option. The visitor doesn’t care about your objectives so make it easier for her to meet her objectives.

6. You front your site with a Glazier-Kennedy long-form, keyword-dense, font-changing, “testimonial-ladened,” PS, PPS and PPPS sales letter.

I’m gone.

7. You have one payment gateway.

PayPal. Or Google Checkout. A lot of people don’t have PayPal accounts. A lot of prospects don’t know how Google Checkout works.

Add a merchant account. Provide as many payment gateways as you can to hike the performance figures on that MDA.

Let’s cut to the chase. Keep it simple. Keep it transparent. Keep it consistent. And keep the focus – from navigation to opt-ins – on the objectives of the visitor, not your objective of having that MDA performed.

Yep, it takes a lot to get those visitors on site. Once you have them there, keep them there with good content. Count clicks and simplify the performance of the MDA.

Oh, and if you have an opt-in on your home page now, take it down. I see that and I’m outta there.

Call me. Let's talk about boosting conversion ratios.

Later,

Webwordslinger.com

REACHING THE SPOILED BUYER

Satisfy This Guy, You Can Satisfy Any Site Visitor

Multi-Channel Product Access:

Reaching the “Spoiled” Buyer

How many ways can consumers buy the products you sell?

The buying practices of many consumers have been changed by the world wide web. The brick and mortar outlets are still top pick with shoppers. However, a recent study indicates that more than half of all consumers consider access to goods in a variety of ways very important. Not just a store. Not just a website. Not just a toll-free number or quarterly four-color catalog. Different consumers want product access through a number of channels. And these aren’t browsers. They’re comparison shoppers, hands-on shoppers, convenience shoppers - people who will make a purchase.

The majority of respondents to the survey indicated that it was important to their buying decision to be able to complete the transaction in the store. Today.

These same consumers indicated that they also wanted access to product information and order placement through the store’s online website and they considered it important to be able to place an order by telephone, whether shopping online or by catalog.

Further, close to 66% of survey participants indicated that they also considered it important to be able to cancel or change an order in person, online or by telephone at any time before the order ships or is removed from the store’s physical plant – the retail outlet.

Consumers have become spoiled with all of the channels available to shop and make purchases. The big box stores like Wal-Mart and Target still rely on flesh-and-blood foot traffic, though many of these operations maintain a significant web presence, as well.

And the individual, small retailer, who owns the local hobby shop in town, still counts on walk-ins to his or her store. However, that same small hobby shop owner should have a website to compliment that real-world outlet. And on that website, which provides global exposure for that small hobby shop, the owner should strongly consider adding a toll-free number to accept telephone orders. In other words, the more channels available to consumers to access your products and product information, the more sales you’ll generate.

The Appeal of Offline Shopping

People still go shopping in the store! Just check out the local mall as the holiday season approaches for irrefutable, empirical evidence. It’s a zoo out there. And given the hassles of driving to the outlets, parking the car, walking to the mall entrance, locating the store you’re looking for on a “You Are Here” map and actually getting to that retail outlet, it might be hard to understand the appeal of this 20^th century approach to buying products. Especially if you’re a site owner wondering why people are going to all that trouble when you sell the same products online.

Consumers dedicated to the mall experience cite a number of reasons for their preference. The reason most often given is “I can get it now.” To some folks in some situations (“Oh no, the television just blew up!”) getting the product today is critical.

Other factors that come in to play? The consumer can touch the product, try out the features and make a well-considered, consumer decision to buy or not. There’s no worries about the security of the transaction. Since it’s made in person, and the item can be paid for with cash, there’s less security risk, though it is important to note that several major retailers have been hacked and sensitive customer data, i.e., credit card numbers, have fallen into the hands of the black hats, so this consumer perception is somewhat unrealistic.

Other reasons consumers give for wading through throngs of caffeinated, stressed-out shoppers include the social aspect of shopping. That’s one reason every mall has a food court – usually a big one. A few hours of shopping, a quick lunch, and more shopping is what the experience is all about. It’s actually fun for lots of people to go to the mall.

The Expanding Appeal of Online Shopping

There’s no doubt that consumers have grown comfortable making purchases on the web. In 1999, fewer than 5% of buyers made a purchase from a website. In 2008, the last time annual consumer spending stats were released, the number of consumers buying online had risen to an estimated 45%, making the web the fastest growing marketplace in history.

And the reasons consumers give for their preference for online shopping aren’t surprising, though they may suggest features you might want to add to your site. The number one reason consumers buy online is convenience. They can shop at 3:00 AM in their PJ’s if they want to. Try doing that at Home Depot and you’ll get yourself arrested.

Another reason for shopping online is the ability to comparison shop. With search engines indexing more and more product pages, it’s a snap to compare prices by make and model number, whether we’re talking digital cameras or a washer-dryer combo.

The web is also a great place to access information about a product, including reviews by previous buyers, magazine and technical reviews and detailed product information. In fact, a large segment of the buying public uses the web to access information on a product before heading off to the local mega-store to make the actual purchase.

There’s also a strong perception among web buyers that prices are lower online. Lower overhead with the savings passed on to the consumer. This isn’t always the case and it’s a misconception that has led to some questionable marketing practices. The giant electronics chain, Best Buy, has been caught offering products at one price through their site, drawing buyers to their stores and upping the in-store price, much to the chagrin of many careful consumers. Not quite the old bait-and-switch but darned close.

Finally, consumers like web shopping because they know, right away, whether the product is available. There’s nothing more frustrating than going to the mall to pick up a sale item, only to be told that the item is sold out “but here’s a rain check.” Great, now you have to go back. Not so when buying online. And many consumers give “product availability” high value when shopping.

The Appeal of a Toll-Free Number

Is there a big, toll-free telephone order number on every page of your commercial site? There should be. Yes, it’s an additional expense every month but it opens another buying channel for potential customers and can you really put a price on that?

A toll-free number allows buyers to talk to a human being. (BTW, those automated ‘press one’ answering systems will send some buyers screaming from the room. When a buyer calls to place an order, a human should answer to take that order.)

If your sales justify the expense, go with a commercial answering service – something that’s now outsourced to other countries to keep costs down. It’s your choice based on your budget. Just make sure that the telephone reps have a well-written script and access to a detailed knowledge base that you (or your product experts) prepare. Don’t expect your telephone reps to rely on a website product description to answer a complex question. Provide the scripts and the FAQs – in bulk.

Marketing Synergies

As you open additional marketing channels, for example email, direct mail catalogs, flyers, brochures and other marketing collaterals, post that toll-free number and your URL on every page.

Invoices, letterhead stationery, automated invoices, auto-responders, downloadable reports and other text-based information should show the URL and toll-free-number above the fold – top of the page.

And be sure to notify site visitors that they can visit your store and then provide a map. Encourage visitors to “Stop on by. The coffee’s on us.” This strengthens the relationship between where the visitor found the product and/or information and where s/he’s going to buy the product – your brick-and-mortar on Main Street.

Your customer service scripts should also reference your site. A simple “Please visit our website at (insert your site’s URL here)” will do it. Also, use these reps as sales generators telling callers about on-site specials. With each of these marketing channel interactions, you’re creating a larger presence and increased credibility with potential buyers. And that means more sales in more ways.

The thing is this: create as many channels to your products as you can. It’s what today’s “spoiled” consumer expects. Then, develop marketing synergies between these various channels to see an even bigger return on your marketing investment.

Clueless? Call me.

Webwordslinger.com

Words, Inc.

Words, Inc.

Posted using ShareThis

KILLIN' TIME ON THE WEB - IT'S EZ!

10 Time Wasters:

Killin’ Time ‘Til 5:00 Rolls Around

You know those days when you’ve finished up the day’s work but it’s only 4:00 and you have to kill some time until quitting time at 5:00. You have to look busy but, let’s face it, you’re through for the day.

Well, with these time-killers, you can stare at your computer screen like you’re studying an important report. Goof off and look good doing it with these fun, browser-based sites. (You don’t want to download anything to the network server, right?)

1. Fun Trivia is the leading trivia site on-line. The site uses quizzes created by authors so there’s always something new to peruse. Puzzles range from painfully simple to just plain painful. There are hourly quizzes, daily challenges and, if you’re the social type (and you have a corner office where you won’t be disturbed) you can join one of the dozens of social groups and compete against other teams.

Terry Ford, the driving force behind Fun Trivia, offers lots of other features. Got a question that’s been nagging at you? Post in on the forum. You’ll have your answer in a few minutes. Fun Trivia also lets you create your own quizzes, using volunteer editors, if you want to stump your friends with your opera knowledge.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 10+

2. Mafia Wars is an on-line pick-and click with over 5 million participants. The basic game is simple: Go through the door or Go through the window. Pick and click. But even that part gets addictive.

Mafia Wars is designed to create social interaction so you can play it on FB or MySpace, swapping bombs for machine guns with fellow MW players. Lots of trading going on all over my FB wall.

Be warned, Mafia Wars is addictive. You build gangs, make deals, get cheated, killed, double-crossed and you make friends while you’re waiting for that minute hand to reach 5:00 PM. Tick-tock, tick-tock.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 9

3. The Smoking Gun isn’t a gamer site, so if the boss looks in on you, your computer screen won’t be filled with popping balloons or enraged outlaws.

This site posts actual, public records – arrest reports, mug shots and other goof stuff on the rich, famous and the just plain stupid.

You can read the entire police report of how the infamous Tanya Harding flipped a hub cap that hit here then husband in the face. (She was arrested for spousal abuse.) You’ll find the actual copies of reports of burglars who got stuck in air vents, DUI arrest reports on everyone from Paris Hilton to Eddie Murphy and more.

If your boss does catch a glimpse of your screen, it’ll look like you doing real-time research instead of reading the latest on Tiger Woods’ “accident” that left him bleeding outside his SUV on his own property. Like gossip? The Smoking Gun is a total time waster. Bet you won’t want to leave even when the closing bell rings.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 8+

4. Neopets is designed for kids but, guaranteed, you’ll be on site everyday. In Neopets land, you create your own virtual pets. They need to be fed. You have to find medicine when they come down with the wheezles, there are loads of games and puzzles. It ain’t just for kids, that’s a fact.

One good thing I like about Neopets is that you can log in at home and play along with your kids.

Again, the games range from super easy to super fun, the kids learn lessons like responsibility and consequences, saving and trading items, and it’s a good way to connect up with friends around the world.

Don’t forget to feed your pet everyday, and find the cure when they get sick.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 8 (adults); 10+ (kids)

5. Pogo is everywhere. Pogo games get picked up by AOL, Yahoo, you can add them to your iGoogle page. You can’t swing a dead gamer without hitting a Pogo game somewhere.

Some are pretty lame, but Bejeweled has become such a classic, Microsoft is including it in its free game pack. Bejeweled is like crack. The more you do it the more addicted you become. But no worries. There are mobi Bejeweled apps for the subway and you can log on as soon as you get home to start a new game.

My only recommendation? Blink once in while as you play.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 7 (all games) 7; Bejeweled: 9+

6. Elveron is a browser-based RPG (role playing game). It’s got robust player support and, for a free browser-based time waster, it’s got some decent graphics and mind-twisting puzzles. More a strategy game, Elveron offers a degree of complex game playing that’ll have you logging on over the weekend to slay a dragon or two.

You can save your position, your standing in the player community and join in when you can. You’ll find your usual trolls who want to smash up everything, but you’ll also test your synapses by solving some of the puzzles. I spent two hours trying to figure out how to get through a locked door. You see, it involved a key that was hidden….hey, find it yourself. That’s the fun part.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 7+

7. TMZ delivers celebrity and political gossip by the pound. Today, there was a report on The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who owes $800K in back taxes, more on Miley Cyrus and some pix taken by a well-know family while on vacation.

TMZ has good sources so the content is fresh and up-to-date – the latest on what celebrity does to people. It makes them CRAZY and this site proves it.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 8+

8. Ugly Persons is just what the name says it is – pictures of ugly people. Now, I know, it’s not funny to laugh at those folks who fall short in the looks department, but some people just ask for it. There are a lot of ugly people in the world who put up their pictures as avatars, on dating sites and other places where you just don’t want to see ugly people.

People also enter their own pix. Now, there’s an honor you don’t want to brag about, but it’s a real time waster of a site and you’ll feel real good the next time you check a mirror. (Unless you find your picture on the site, in which case, sorry. I didn’t know.)

Time Waster Scale Rank: 6+

9. The Carton Network might be a little loud for the office – nothing a headset won’t fix. And you’ll find a lot more than just cartoons. Games, clips shots, puzzles, contests and all the stuff you need to kill an hour before slipping out of the office a few minutes early. Hey, it’s not like you were doing anything important, anyway.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 7

10. Create Paintings equips you to create your own paintings based on your mood, your interests, your degree of boredom and even how much time you have left before the time bell rings.

Okay, great art it ain’t but if you’re looking to kill a little time and free the inner artist within you, this is a real time waster – and a whole lot of fun.

Time Waster Scale Rank: 5+

There are thousands of time wasters on-line. It isn’t hard to find them. In fact, there are sites that let you create cartoons of yourself as the time clock ticks slowly, sites that let you sing along karaoke style – perfect for the overly-quiet office, and even sites that let you see what you’ll look like 40 years from today through computer aging.

When you’re bored at work or at home, don’t just sit there. Waste some time. The web provides all the tools you need.

So what are you waiting for? An invitation? C’mon, start wasting time. It’s easy on the W3.

Time Waster Scale Rank: Reading this post: 10+